There is no excuse for you -- Don't be so weird (and other terrible advice you shouldn't listen to) -- You can't have your cake and eat it too -- Why do you do these weird things? -- The panoch -- How (not) to produce movies -- Auditioning to be Latino -- On fire -- Salinger and strip clubs -- Dream jobs -- No prior experience -- Making history with the underdog -- I applied for my White House job online -- A letter to a 31-year-old me -- Gentleman, shave your face(s) -- Nascar and chill -- Have a heart -- #Sexyface -- You don't belong in this country -- PeaCock blocked.

"Kal Penn's unlikely career arc has taken him from nerdy American kid from an immigrant family in the New York suburb of Montclair, New Jersey, to world-famous actor, to White House staffer under President Obama, and back to actor again. Now, in You Can't Be Serious, he reflects on the most ridiculous, offensive, and rewarding moments that have stood out during his journey. With intelligence, humor, and charm on every page, Penn explores what it means to be the embodiment of the American Dream, as the child of immigrant parents who came to this country with very little, and who never expected to see their son get his big break by sliding off an oiled-up naked woman in a raunchy Ryan Reynolds movie. He also pulls back the curtain on racism in Hollywood and the constant reminders that he would never fit in. And of course, he reveals how, after twenty-five years fighting for success in Hollywood, he made the terrifying but rewarding decision to walk away from it all for a career in politics. Above all, You Can't Be Serious shows that everyone can have more than one life story. Penn bravely demonstrates by example that no matter who you are and where you come from, you have many more choices than those presented to you. It's a story about struggle, triumph, and learning how to keep your head up. And okay, yes, it's also about whether Kal really smoked weed in the White House with the former First Lady-because let's be honest, that's what you really want to know"--